In this book you talk a lot about how you abused your ex husband, how is your relationship with him today?
The relationship I have with him today is really good. We will always be parents no matter how old our kids get, so I am grateful we are in a healthy place today. We co parent really well and we talk when we need to. I am happy he has found a good person to live his life with. We are both happy for eachother.
Looking back on the relationship you had with Derek, your ex husband, at the time, did you know you were being abusive to him?
I had no idea. I was doing what I was shown as a kid. I was treating him the same way my mother treated my father. The more I hurt Derek, the more my mother seemed proud of me, so I thought I was doing the right thing, until I realized I wasn’t.
You have three sons, how do you think the abuse they witnessed affected them in their dating lives?
The way I treated their dad has shown up in a relationship with one of my sons. He was in a verbally abusive relationship with someone. AS I listened to her yell at him and call him names and him just take it, I felt sick to my stomach. I taught him that was how a woman was supposed to treat him and it was the worst feeling. But I was able to talk to him and point things out to him and since then the relationship has ended and I taught him some of the lessons I have learned so the next relationship he gets into will be much healthier.
Today, so many men are in abusive relationships, can you give three signs of what a man should look out for if he feels he is being abused?
- Control. If a man is with someone who wants to know his every move, where he is, where he was, who he was talking to ect…that is a sign of abuse. If you are single or married you still have the right to be free and you are still entitled to privacy.
- Jealousy. If you are with someone who is jealous of anyone and everyone, from who likes your pics on social media to why you are talking to someone in a store, you may be in an abusive relationship.
- Anger. If a woman is yelling, calling names, insulting and you putting someone down more often than not, you may be in an abusive relationship.
What will you do differently in your next relationship?
Everyting. I have been through an amazing recovery program to learn how to control my anger, no longer be codependent or controlling. It has helped in not only my dating life, but also in all of my relationships in my life. The biggest thing I will do differently is let who I am with, be himself no matter what. If I find he is not a good fit for me, I will not change him, I will walk away.